The Excitement of Urgent Care Centers and Drug Test Pee-ing

Drug Testing

Who would have thought that this would be such a funny experience?

For a new job, I needed to go to the nearby urgent care and have a drug test. I knew it was coming, so on my way to Scottsdale, I guzzled a lot of liquid. I wanted to make sure I could just go into the place, pee in a cup, and leave.

Sooooo…..

That’s not what happened.

I got to the urgent care, and signed in, and waited.

And, waited……

….and waited some more.

I was texting Aunt Denise, and I finally told her that I just wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it! It was starting to get to the point that I thought I might explode.

I was just about to go talk to the receptionist (after I had been sitting around for about 30 minutes…and I don’t know why, because it was only me and these two guys that were in the lobby, and they both came AFTER me….seriously) and let her know that there was no way I could hold my bladder any more

WHEN

The nurse came out and called MY NAME!

YAY!

I could PEE!

She took me back to the bathroom area, and locked up my purse and belongings (which, is a story in itself…my purse, my gigantic, glorious, red purse, didn’t fit. So, she had me SQUISH it into the cupboard!).

Then, she had me sign some papers, and explained that the flusher for the toilet was on the outside of the bathroom. I listen and nod my head.

But, I’m thinking, Okay lady, I’m ready to pee. Let me into that stinking bathroom and pee in this stupid cup so we can both get on with our lives.

I finally get into the bathroom, and I’m so excited to pee.

Let me explain to you the looks of this bathroom.

It was a square, and the walls were white. There was ugly tile on the floor. And the entire room was empty, except for a single toilet in one corner.

Welcome to prison.
This toilet is NASTY.
The seat part that comes down only covers half of the toilet. It's only HALF A TOILET SEAT! And on the toilet bowl, there is someone else's pee.
EWWWWWW!
It was so gross. 
And the inside of the toilet is covered in blue junk. I was so grossed out.
I look for toilet seat covers, and find nothing. 
EWWWW. Nothing to protect myself from the nastiness of the toilet. 
So, I situate myself on the toilet, and try to get the cup....down there...and the seat is in the way. 
So, I have to lift the seat up and sit down...kind of...I'm squatting so that I don't touch the nastiness of the toilet bowl. 

So, I have my pee cup (and the lady told me to fill it to the 50 mL line…that’s a heck of a lot of pee!)

I’m actually kind of excited to pee, because I’m ready, and I know that I can get it to the 50 mL line.

I sit on the toilet, and I’m totally ready!

And!

Nothing.

I got nothing!

I was just sitting in the waiting room, bouncing in my chair because I had to pee so BAD!

But, I got nothing!!!!!!

WHAT?! REALLY?! AHHHHH!

Please, please, PLEASE! Let me pee.

So, here I am, in this room, it’s empty, I’m on the toilet, and there’s no water to drink, no sink to turn on to make me pee…nothing!

I am so desperate, because by now I’ve been in the bathroom for about 5 minutes with nothing happening.

So, I start praying.

Please, Heavenly Father, just let me pee. I just need to pee. PLEASE!

And what happens?

I poop.

And, I’m sitting there, and I’m just wanting to pee.

FINALLY, after about 10 more minutes of sitting there, the pee finally comes.

And I fill that stinking cup to the 120 mL line. I FILLED the cup. To 120 mL!

But the nurse lady told me they only needed 50 mL.

So, I dump some of the pee out of the cup.

And my fear is that I pour too much out, and I would have to get myself to pee, again.

Luckily, I pour out just enough (and I stopped at the 55 mL lines).

So, I compose myself, walk out the door, and hold that precious cup. The nurse looks at me and barks at me to put the cup on the counter and to wash my hands.

Like I wouldn’t wash my hands? Uh, I have germs on my hand. And anyone that knows me, knows that I carry hand sanitizer EVERY WHERE. So, duh, I’ll wash my hands.

Then she takes that cup of pee, pours a little bit into two different vials, and takes a syringe sample, and then pours the 45 remaining milliliters in the toilet, with all my nasty waste, comes out of the room, and flushes the toilet.

I looked at her, exasperated.

I went through all that trouble, so you can use just 10 mLs?!?

Really? That’s ridiculous!

She said I could go home, and I grabbed my purse, and left.

The End.

Out of the Mouth of (Co)Babes

Oh my heck. This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and it is only WEDNESDAY! I'm getting to the point in student teaching where everything is wrapping up. It is to the point, where I am just ready to be done, and I don't really feel like doing much of anything. So, I know that means I need to push myself that much harder. And I do. 
Monday was a hard day, and I think it was just because it was MONDAY. I had to get irritated with some of my classes because they didn't want to listen and just wanted to talk. I've never had to get irritated with my classes like that. It was difficult for me to actually get angry. But afterwards, I was so proud of myself for actually doing it. 
Tuesday wasn't much of a difference. My students still felt like they were in weekend mode. It SOOOO showed. But, we got down to business and got our work done. 
Today was going to be an easy day. We were going to have 30 minutes of instruction for each class, and then work on an assignment together. It worked well for 1st and 2nd hour. However, Aunt Denise called during 2nd hour to let me know that Uncle Jim died this morning. 
Oh.
My.
Heck.
That's really all that was going through my mind. I immediately turned on auto pilot. I went back into my classroom and everything was just background noise. I just went into teacher mode, and did what I was supposed to. I got my lesson stuff together, answered a few student questions, and then dropped the lesson on my co-op teacher's desk. I told him my uncle just died and I needed to go home. He pretty much kicked me out of the room. He said he'd take care of everything. After checking out with my principal, I went home. My mom called me to make sure I'd heard the news. 
I don't even remember getting home. Except, I remember talking to Matthew and my Dad on the phone. But, I do know that the drive that normally takes 20-25 minutes only took 15.  I walked into the house and dropped my stuff in the entry way. Just dropped it. I didn't even care to put it on my bed upstairs. Everything just didn't matter. 
Aunt Denise and I talked to family members and Uncle Joseph came home. I got on my computer and was so glad that Lisa was on Skype. It was so good to talk to her today. 
Denise and I picked Victoria up from school and made a trip to the store before I rushed off to a school district meeting. I just sat in the meeting wishing I was home. I know I should have been paying more attention, but I really just wanted to get home and crawl under the covers.
As I was driving home, I called Claira. There is just something about Claira that always makes my day better. I told her to just tell me about her day because I hadn't had a good couple of days. She said her day was bad, but after about 10 seconds, she was telling me all the funny things she's been doing. It was so good to hear her laugh! I don't think she realizes how much I miss her when I'm gone. That little girl is too cute for her own good. 







Claira asked me a very grown up question at the end of our conversation. She asked me, "Jenn, why is everyone sad today?"


I explained to her that Uncle Jim, Grandma Linda's brother, died this morning while she was at school. And that we all love him very much and will miss him.
Claira sat quietly on the phone for a moment and then said, "Jenn! Let's be happy! He's an angel now! He's with Heavenly Father, and he's happy!"
I just smiled, and the tears that had been trying to come out all day finally started to fall.
Claira continued, "Jenn, stop crying! Uncle Jim is our Santa Claus, now!!!"

I just had to laugh. Why is it that all the best things come from little kids? Claira is the only one who can really make me smile on the worst days. And as I thought about it, Uncle Jim would make a perfect Santa Claus. It's true. 


I kept driving after talking to my dad (this time actually going the speed limit. It took me a good 30 minutes to get home this time.). I had the radio off, and was just thanking my Heavenly Father for my wonderful family. In this day of sorrow, we have all rallied together, getting everything done, all of us talking, and just being a family. In this time where most people freak out about the unknown, our family has become even closer in the great distances we have between us. 
This is because we know, we KNOW, the truth. WE KNOW that someday, we will see Uncle Jim again. We will be reunited as a family, and we don't have to worry about separation in the eternities. We will always be together. What a blessing this is!


As I got off the surface road to merge onto the freeway, I just started to SOB. It finally hit me that Uncle Jim was gone. And I miss him so much. I just kept praying to my Heavenly Father, and as I did, I swear I heard Uncle Jim say,


"Oh, honey girl. I love you."










Thank you, Uncle Jim. I love you.

What the CRAP???

Teaching is hard! There is so much more to being a teacher than classroom management and lesson plans and grading.
The politics of a school...gosh.
It's not enough to just be a good teacher. I feel like an entirely different person the moment I enter my school.


I am no longer me.
I am Miss Cobabe: Social Studies Teacher.


I am expected to know so much, and I am so impressed with myself when the rights answers seem to fall out of my mouth. Where the heck did I get so smart?! 


My students like to tell me every day that they love me. What a little confidence booster that is each hour! 


However, it seems like I should have had to work harder for this. But its not hard to have your students love you. And its not hard to love all your students. 


I LOVE MY STUDENTS! They are just so easy to love, because they love me and my subject. They want to do their best. 

Life is heating up!

I have moved to Arizona. 
Yes, you read that right. Arizona. That place on the map of the United States, way in the bottom left corner. The one that every morning on national news that has temperatures way higher than should be possible. But, alas, I have learned that these temperatures are no exaggeration to keep people away from this beautiful desert oasis.


I won't lie. I was very nervous about the move to Mesa. It's hot. It's stinkin' hot. And, it means I have to be a real grown up!


I never thought that I would ever move to Arizona. Of all the kids in my family, my brother Johnathon would be the one that would chose to move to Arizona. However, I know the Lord has a special plan for me, that right now, includes me living in this place. However, by putting my trust in the Lord, I knew that this was where I am supposed to be. 

I am starting student teaching in the Mesa Unified School District at a junior high. I'm teaching 7th grade US history. 


Is this my dream position? No, but I'm like all student teachers straight out of college. I don't know what I really want. I know that I love history, and I love to teach, and I love to teach history. I know that I want to pass my love of history to my students. 
I know that this semester is going to be hard. 


But, I know that with help from the Lord, nothing is impossible. 


I am going to make the most of this experience. I am going to be like a sponge and soak up all the information I can. 


I know that the Lord loves me, and I know that He has a plan for me. And this is where it's all beginning. 

Miss Monkey....

My youngest sister, Claira, is about 15 years younger than me. I LOVE having a sister so young! It's so fun at all the holidays, and she gets SO excited each time I come home from wherever I am...especially when I come home from I-dee-ho.
Well, Claira is the monkey of the family, and I call her Miss Monkey, or Claira-Monkey....or something along those lines....
She always says the funniest things. I never thought that a young child could be SO HILARIOUS! Today's conversation at dinner was the best.
Claira's class at school just did a unit on rockets. Part of the homework was to make a rocket between 13 and 23 inches tall, and have at least three different colors on it. So, Claira and Dad made a rocket out of wood and Corian scraps, and then Kimberly, Claira, and I painted it yesterday.
At dinner tonight, Claira was telling us that hers was the best in class. Then, she said that Samuel, her friend, also had a pretty cool one. As did Wyatt. And James.
I asked her if these boys were her friends. She said,
"Samuel is my boyfriend. And Wyatt's the other boy I'm in love with. Oh, and I love James, too. James and Samuel are twins and they ride on my bus."
SHE WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS!
My SEVEN year old sister is a PLAYER!
Then she said that she had KISSED THEM!
I choked on my rice.
Why is my baby sister kissing boys?!?!?!?!?!
SHE'S SEVEN!
SEVEN!
For Heaven's sakes......seven!
Well, she's not even 7 yet, she's still 6 until Saturday!
Anywho.
I asked if she was kissin' on the lips.
Claira made a gross face, like she had swallowed something nasty.
"No, Jenn, I kiss them on their backpack!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Wherever she can get them, I guess, right?

My Life SHOULD Be a Hollywood Comedy....SERIOUSLY!

So, I've decided that my life needs to be turned into a movie...a comedy to be exact. Because, I find my life to be VERY entertaining! Here are a few clips of the possible scenes of

Jen Kabob: the Movie!

One time, a while ago (approximately April 10, 2010, about 1 hour after college graduation, and I am frantically cleaning my apartment so I can move out....well, maybe not so frantically, because I was sad to go, but frantically all the same, because my clean check was coming ever closer, and I didn't want to be charged $800 for not dusting the closet) I was cleaning the cubby space above my closet in my bedroom at Aspen Village. Now, me being the lovely 5 foot 5 that I am couldn't reach the top, let alone the shelf inside the closet. So, I did what every normal person would do.
I got a chair.
I stood on that blue plastic chair (like the ones you find in your high school classroom), and I STILL COULDN'T REACH!
So, I took the next logical step. Literally.
I stepped on top of the dresser inside the closet.
I was standing precariously close to the edge of the dresser top, and leaning slightly back, so I could manuever my arm around and onto the top of the closet to clean out the cubby hole.
Now, why was I cleaning that cubby hole? It wasn't on the list of things to clean, but I still felt like I had to clean it. Maybe it was because I didn't want to take that load of hangers out to the car...Maybe it was because I didn't want to vacuum....Maybe it was the lack of sleep during finals week/graduation (averaged 2.5 hours of sleep a night! :) Aren't you proud?)....Maybe (and this is the reason) it was a combination of all of the above.
Nevertheless, I was cleaning, and as you guessed, the dresser fell over.
I was grasping to the top of the closet for dear life as the dresser topples and the chair is smashed by the dresser. My mom drops the 50+ hangers (no joke. I had like 50 of them, all matching, and because of that, Mom wanted to keep them.) she was carrying out to the car, and runs in to see if I'm okay.
I was.
I was just hanging onto the closet, my feet dangling in the air, and only one slipper on.
Now, ask me:
What song was playing on your laptop?

Another One Bites The Dust

Yup. Seriously. Ironic, eh?

I got down, and I was just fine. But, instead of cleaning up the dresser and chair (both of whom also escaped unharmed), I ran over a couple apartments, because I HAD to share the story with Hannah Baker.
Response from Hannah: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I forgot to tell her about the song, but I think if I had included it at that moment, she would have needed to change her pants.
Moral of the story? Don't clean the top of your closets, especially if the above mentioned song is playing and you have a wimpy dresser in your closet.

One last story?
Alright. I'll enlighten you.
And just to let you know, my mom might kill me for sharing this story in cyberspace, but it just about made me pee my pants.

My little sister, Claira, couldn't find her teddy bear, Lily. And it was bedtime.
Bad combination, right?
Of course. All little kids need their teddy bear to be able to sleep a full night's sleep and keep the boogy man away. (except for me, obviously. I slept with a stuffed koala that I named Koaly. Original, eh? I had a bunny, it was a Netherland Dwarf. I named it Netherland. And most all my fish have been Mr. Fishy. Anyway...)
So, Mom and Claira search for HOURS (in reality, it was like 20 minutes, but to Claira, it seemed like an eternity), for Lily. Mom asks, "Can you just go to bed and we'll find Lily in the morning?"
Bad question.
"NO!!!!!!!!!!! I can't sleep without Lily!"
Which is quite interesting, since Claira has only had the dumb lovely pink and white bear for a couple years. She's just about 7! What about those 5 years she never had Lily? Claira wasn't scared of the dark before Lily...I would know. She would come down into the basement to my room and throw her cup across the room, yelling, "JENN! JUICE!!!!" at around 2 am. Every day.
Back to the story:
Claira is hitting the hysterical point of her search. Mom is looking in the family room, and Claira was upstairs about to have a mental breakdown.
Then, Mom sees Claira with that blasted teddy bear walking around downstairs.
"Claira, where'd you find Lily?"
Claira's answer was classic. It will be remembered and preserved for all of posterity:
"She was hiding in my closet. She scare the hell out of me!"

Oh my, Mom tried so hard not to laugh. She sent Claira to her room and then laughed SO hard! It was one of those moments that you know you have to get mad at her, but it was just too dang precious to be too mad. Now, if Claira was 16, I'm sure that language would result in her mouth being rinsed out with soap.
But, for some reason, Claira is the cute one in the family, and also the youngest. Quite a combination. The world will need to watch out when Claira hits 16......

Bittersweet Blabberings

I'm taking a break between finals, procrastinated projects, packing, and goodbyes.
I AM IN MY FINAL DAYS AT BYU-IDAHO!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?

Oh, that's right. I spent the last four years of my life battling wind, snow, ice, and professors to get through my classes, and they (meaning the professors) actually passed me! Huh.....It's absolutely crazy to think that I'm completely done with school.

This is a bittersweet feeling.

One the one hand, I'm ecstatic to be done and move on to the next phase of my life:

..............otherwise known as:
STUDENT TEACHING............................

But at the same time, its so hard to leave my friends, this lovely podunk town I love, and all the memories.

I know that life is full of hellos and goodbyes.
Eveyone you meet is put in your life for a reason. These people are meant to teach us something and bless our lives.
I've really come to understand that in the past year.
No matter how tough it is to say goodbye, its going to be okay.

So,
GOODBYE

Brigham Young University-Idaho
Windy/Icy/Snowy/Never-can-make-up-its-mind Rexburg
Difficult and rewarding classes
Ghetto Aspen Village
BYU-Idaho 15th Ward
my amazing roommates
Potatoland
Eastern Idaho
and everything else associated with Rexburg/BYU-Idaho

I will miss you! But, I've decided to move onto bigger and better things!

Rexburg, don't feel so bad, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.....

Love, Jenn